Friendship of Life Support

I know my last post was about facebook, but this one is too so whatever.

I have a "friend" who was once my best friend and then I moved and she became a lot like the worst friend. So I have been friends with her on Facebook for all the years that it has been around. Initially, I thought our friendship would one day return to what it was. By initially, I mean I held on to that hope for YEARS. It was exactly one decade ago that I moved and over these ten years, I have not been able to shake the fact that we aren't real friends.

But the more I see how her life has turned out and how my life has turned out, the more I realize, it's time to take off the life support of our friendship. The life support which brings nothing more to a friendship than the fact that it is barely being sustained by technology. It's weird, it's a weird way to view friendship. But really, it's the best way I can think to describe it.

Our friendship has not really been alive for several years, it has been kept "alive" by technology. It first began with Myspace and then turned into Facebook and Instagram. But it isn't real. It is not a tangible friendship. It is something that will never be brought back to real life. It is a heart that only beats because it is hooked to wireless wires of the internet.

I have avoided unfriending because remember how dramatic people are? But really, it's just time. After one full decade, the friendship is over and needs to be laid to rest. Sad but true.

Instead of facebooking my life.

I've decided I want to start blogging again, I'm nervous because I feel like someone might come across  it and actually read it, but I have my doubts.

At the beginning of summer I started finding myself to be incredibly negative and it was because every time I looked at my phone, I would open Facebook. It is a slew of negative comments and people who want their opinions to be known so badly they don't care who is bothered or offended by it. It's fine to share your opinions but when I find myself getting angry at someone that I haven't physically seen in years, it's time to check myself.

Jesse and I changed each others passwords and now we are only allowed to log in when the other person Ok's it. I honestly love it. It keeps me sane.

I found myself ranting twice on facebook since we did this and then I immediately deleted both rants. that might seem lame but the most recent one was shared by someone I have never met...and then he went off on how I didn't know what I was talking about. A stranger did this! Someone I did not even know existed in this world did not agree with me and so he stole my post and told me I don't know what I am talking about. WHAT THE.

I managed to become enraged but then I went to the bathroom, thought it out, and realized it just doesn't matter. So I logged out and told Jesse not to allow me on for at least 5 days (we usually only log in on weekends but sometimes we permit weekday visits and then manage to get annoyed at the same old religion bashing, anti-vaccinating, what have you's).

I can't bring myself to delete it because I mean, let's get real. But I am trying to have some self control in a world that doesn't believe self control needs to exist anymore.

That's Why We're Here

I remember watching The Best Two Years and there is a line where the rebel missionary finally realizes why he's on his mission and he states "and that's why I'm here...that's why I'm here!". Once in a while that phrase comes to mind when I discover what exactly I'm doing in a place where I'm so confused and lost, and then discover the purpose.

I have had a hard time living away from all the people I know. And living in a place where you have to drive two hours to get to the nearest Old Navy and Texas Roadhouse (though I have learned to have a greater appreciation for such novelties and I have bought things off the internet which is so not me). Many tears have been shed over wondering why exactly we came to such a place. Yes, it is absolutely beautiful but outside of that I have been at a loss as to what my purpose is. Why would we feel like we should live somewhere like this?

Today my boss had a hip replacement. Jesse emailed him asking how everything went (they are so buddy buddy) and he replied, at the end of his email he said "we could not do this without Amber's help".

Today a mother going through an awful divorce called Jesse asking if he would be willing to take her son out for ice cream or to go sledding or whatever they wanted a couple times a month because he needs a good role model in his life and she felt like Jesse would be perfect for him.

Yesterday someone asked me why we moved here and I kind of stammered and said "we just wanted to...um for school?" and my friend turned to me and said "When people ask you that, tell them it's because I needed you. Because I really do believe that's why you're here" and she really meant it.

The thing is that these people all feel like we have come into their lives for a reason for them, but I think they are in their lives for us. I have seen Jesse become this amazing man that I always knew he was but he is just starting to realize exactly what he is capable of. And I have learned so much about myself and the things that I can handle (I have also eaten a pheasant that I saw with feathers the day before I ate it, that in and of itself is miraculous, and I'd do it again).

Though I have had some of the worst days and wondered why the people at the dog park hate me (maybe it's because if a dog takes a disliking toward Sam he all of the sudden decides that is the ONLY dog he wants to play with and will try his damndest to get them to play..that doesn't help my case ever). Anyway, after some sad days and days of wishing we could we win the lottery and go to somewhere that has more than one swimming pool, it is so great to know that there are people here that truly believe their lives are better because we are here. And our life is that much better too.

Now that instagram exists. I have a very hard time blogging because a picture is worth 1,000 words so why try to type all your thoughts out when you can take a picture??

However, I feel the need to update on here anyway.  We are thoroughly enjoying our life in Montana. I remember always saying I would live here one day but I didn't think I was being realistic. We were both able to find jobs and eventually found a great place to live. PS our dog hates living inside. Awesome.

Today my boss (for those of you that don't know I am what is called a PCA...personal care attendant..I take care of a multiply handicap girl) had us over for a barbecue and I saw my very first ever bald eagle. It chose the appropriate date to show itself. I was thrilled about it. We also went and checked out their horses which my boss said he definitely wants to take us on a trail, I'm totally down with that. This is so perfect.

Then tonight we went out with Jesse's boss and his family (they're in our ward-so far the only people to make an attempt at friendship and it is working). We went to a rodeo and at the end they had some pretty stellar fireworks. They're an awesome family.

This is really all I can think of....sometimes I just don't want my blog to die so here is my attempt at some resuscitation. 

Spread the Word

I'm asking a huge favor of all 4 of you that read this.

After much pondering, praying, anxiety attacks, and tears being shed; I have decided that I am taking a different job for a few different reasons and it being a great opportunity.

That being said, I need your help. I need your help finding someone that would be perfect to take this job. I'm not saying that I am so awesome that I'm irreplaceable but......I am saying that sarcasm, being easily amused, and loving diet beverages & peanut butter pretzels will get someone very far in this job.

Let me just state the perks:
*10-4 monday-friday (very flexible..if you want lunch take one, if not..it's whatever). My boss told me I could take a day off if I ever just felt like I needed a day off.
*ice cold fountain beverage waiting on your desk every morning OR when you come in, the request for you to go pick up some ice cold fountain beverages for the office (the three people that work here).
*the work is fun. It does take some getting used to with the terms they use like I don't know why they say 15 basis points instead of just saying 15 cents. But that won't hurt anyone.
*You will never feel like you failed. If you mess up, they will do everything to convince you that it was not your fault. I go home everyday believing that I did a good job.
*I have gotten two phone calls from work while not at work. Call #1 was because my boss was sick all day and freezing so the heat was set at 79. He called me to tell me that as soon as I left he started sweating bullets and had no idea why..then he remembered that he never set the thermostat back to a normal temperature. Call #2 was at 7pm on a Friday night...because my boss forgot to tell me how thankful he was for my hard work that week.

These are just a few reasons why this job is amazing.

If you know anyone that is looking for a job or could use a better job (and could handle a few jokes about girls here and there) please let me know.

Much thanks.

Ruler of the roost.

Our dog rules our home. And he knows. I have never met a dog that is as weird as this one.
Actually, he is a lot like the overly anxious when separated from his owner, incredibly excited to see ANYONE, and wants to sit on your lap, dog that my family used to have.
Only he is in an inappropriately strong-for-his-size body that is only going to continue growing, it's not his size I'm weary of, it's his strength...and his lack of any idea of the power he has behind those paws when he tackles people to the ground so that he can lick their face and eat their hair.

He is the second most obedient dog I have ever had (and there have been quite a few) but for some reason the words "Get down" or "don't jump" mean nothing to him.

He is one strange pup.

His favorite toys in the world? paper and blankets.
While on a walk will he randomly stop and jump up, all fours in the air, just because? yes.
Favorite noise? The printer. He is fascinated by it and does the head tilt like I have never seen before when thing starts going. He thinks the paper is for him when it comes out. He heard it going yesterday and he ran over and sat and waited for the paper to be completely done printing, then he stole it and ran. Seriously. What the?
His favorite object? The vacuum. He thinks it's a lion.

And his only way to sleep? After he demands the fire be on....he lays like this. Every time.

He will do great things.

Place of Work

I totally thought I dropped out of this photo thing but I love my place of work so I have to talk about it for a minute.

This is my view. It's really nice, I get to see everyone that goes to the bathroom and everyone stares in here, some wave..some avoid eye contact. Some read the Vertex sign just to avoid eye contact. Like every time they go potty they have to re-read the sign to make sure it still says the same thing. This one time I was walking out of the office and a girl coming out of the bathroom said "wow, it's really nice to see your whole body for a change!". I took that as a mega compliment.

I love this job. I can't even begin to explain how great of a job it is. I get thanked everyday. Every single day I hear "thanks Amber" or "we really appreciate you". And it's for things that seem so minor but they actually sincerely appreciate what I do. I look forward to going to work everyday. I don't know very many people that can say that and that can leave work knowing that whatever they did wrong that day will be completely forgotten the next morning they go in. To be honest, when I do something wrong or mess something up I have not once been afraid to admit it because I know that they are going brush it off and forgive me. I honestly just love this place.

It's a crazy good job. I could go on all day.